And, we're back.

After a 2-year hiatus, it is my avowed intention to start posting regularly here. Why? Because Mama needs a brain-dump, and this is it.

Some Things have happened in the last 2 years. Let's go over them, shall we?

Maggie, our first-born, was so awesome that we decided to have another before I finished my PhD (because assuming you have a willing partner and aren't up to your eyeballs in debt, I still maintain that graduate school is the BEST TIME to have children). So in summer of 2012, I got pregnant with Baby #2. In September of 2012, I learned that Baby #2 was Babies #2 & #3. This is what happens, I learned, when I try to over-plan my life: Life smacks me in the face with something unpredictable and occasionally overwhelming. When the ultrasound tech said, "And here's Baby B!" I burst out laughing on the ultrasound table, and I couldn't stop until the tech offered to get my a paper bag to breathe into, since apparently my maniacal laughter sounded a lot like hyperventilating. She thought I took the news remarkably well, actually. But my vision of our life had always involved TWO children, not three. Three children would outnumber us.  Three children would require the purchase of a minivan. Three children would require me to break cookies evenly into thirds instead of into halves. 

But we got used to the idea. We bought a minivan. And we started working on our zone defense options, since clearly man-to-man wasn't going to work anymore. Tom and Kate were born on February 26, 2013, about a month before their due date. I'd planned on carrying them to 38 weeks and persuading Tom (Baby A) to turn head-down by sheer force of maternal will, but again, Life decided to smack me in the face for attempting to plan anything, and I ended up having a c-section delivery at 35 1/2 weeks. I didn't hyperventilate this time, at least-- but I did finish the line edits of my dissertation while I was in triage in the hospital. I filed my dissertation when the twins were a week old. And then I accepted a job teaching English at a boarding school in New England. 

Some time after Maggie was born in May, 2011, I began reassessing my goals with the PhD. Why, I asked myself, did I want to pursue a career in higher education? Actually, I'd been asking myself this question for ages-- pretty much since I started the whole process. The tenure system is broken, most institutions would rather spend money on new dorms and athletic facilities to wow donors, alums, and prospective students than on support staff, academic facilities, or even on full-time faculty salary lines. My own building at UC Berkeley leaked during the rainy season. The supposed goal of every incoming graduate student-- a TT job at an R1 university or a top-tier liberal arts college-- began to seem less and less compatible with reality, let alone the kind of lifestyle that I had in mind.

But, I love to teach. And I love to teach high schoolers. The transition wasn't a tough one, and the decision to take a teaching post at a boarding school in New England was a no-brainer for me, albeit one that surprised some of my peers and most of my professors.

So here I am, orchestrating a cross-country move with 3-month-old twins, a 2-year-old, a wondermutt, and an incredibly supportive, though somewhat frazzled, spouse. 

Newborn care and a return to academic labors

Our baby is 25 days old today!  And I've been feeling mentally capable of getting back to work on my job letter and some chapter edits for over a week now... too bad the newborn isn't always cooperative.  When you're exclusively breastfeeding an infant, you have to be ready to feed her on her schedule.  And sometimes that schedule is every hour on the hour.  Holding a nursing newborn is, as yet, still at least a one-handed operation for me, and editing my dissertation requires two hands and at least half a brain.  Thus far, I've mainly been confined to tasks I can accomplish one-handed-- reading articles, minor edits on my job letter, emailing, etc.  Only over the last few days, as her 3-week growth-spurt feeding binge has subsided a bit, have I been able to do any serious work on my chapter or my own articles.  And then only as she's napping, which is rarely for more than an hour at a time during the day.

It should become easier to find time to work during the day as she gets older and needs to nurse less frequently and for less long at a time, but this has been a surprise-- to find myself mentally ready to get back to work, but physically unable to do so because my hands are tied up with a nursing baby.

New Baby: Diaper Update.

Our baby arrived a few days early, in the wee hours of May 31.  And over the past three weeks, my husband and I (and our parents) have become expert with the different types of cloth diapers in our initial stash.

I should confess that we did not start using cloth diapers the day we got home from the hospital.  First, we were too exhausted to think about it, and then we were concerned about her belly button stump.  (Note to self: next time, buy some newborn-sized cloth diaper covers with cut-outs for the umbilical stump to avoid rubbing.)  The hospital sent us home with some disposable pampers that folded down neatly around the stump, so we just used those until the cord stump fell out at around 10 days old.  Since then, we've been using cloth almost exclusively, with the exception of trips to the pediatrician or to breastfeeding groups.

I've been astonished at how easy it all is.  The big difference between the hospital Pampers and cloth diapers is how much pee they can hold-- the Pampers have some kind of chemical gel in them that crystallizes the urine and traps it so that the baby doesn't feel wet-- great for overnights, less good for landfills (or the pocketbook, over time).  The cotton prefolds, on the other hand, feel wet to baby (and parents) immediately, and so need to be changed more frequently.

Note: whether you're using disposables, prefolds, or all-in-ones, you should have the clean diaper READY TO GO on top of the changing table BEFORE you remove the dirty one.  Rookie mistake, I know, but I want the world to profit from my ignorant incompetence.

We're washing our diapers at home, and it's been pretty easy so far since baby's exclusively breastfed.  Milk poops don't actually need to be rinsed in the toilet before being washed, if you can believe it!  (After she starts on solid food, of course, we'll have to change this).  But for now, we just do a cold prewash with no detergent, and then a hot wash with Charlie's soap (which doesn't leave any residue that could reduce absorbency), and then a double rinse in cold.  Easy.  And since it's summer, drying them on the line has been a snap.

Of course, some of the diapers are easier to use, wash, and dry than others.  Here's the score so far:

Prefolds and wraps have been our bread and butter.  They're quick and easy, and by far the cheapest option going.  Not having to change the wrap with every diaper change is nice, as well-- it cuts down on our washing.  But not all prefolds and wraps are created equal...

Oso-Cozy blue borders: B+.  These are narrow enough for a newborn, but still pretty long-- you have to fold down the ends to fit in the smaller wraps.  They are fairly absorbent, but tend to slip to the side inside the wraps if you're doing a regular newspaper fold, so you have to retire the wraps more often.

Gerber: A-.  I'm surprised by this-- I figured the Gerbers would be my least favorite.  They stay put pretty well, although they're less absorbent than the Oso-Cozys and just as long.

Bummis Organic: A.  These are bulkier than the Gerbers or the Oso-Cozys, but they're correspondingly more absorbent.  They're not as long, so you don't have to fold them down as much to make them fit into the diapers.  And they stay where you put them, so the wraps stay clean for more changes.

We haven't used any of the larger sizes of the prefolds yet, except as burp cloths, so I won't grade them yet.

Wraps:
Newborn Lite-wraps: B-.  These fit pretty well now, but they won't for long (they're not adjustable; they're designed for 6-10 pound babies).  In addition, there's nothing to tuck the prefold into, so the diaper can scoot around.

Thirsties Size 1: A.  These are our favorite wraps.  We have one with velcro (my husband's favorite), and one with snaps (my favorite).  The velcro is quick and easy to put on when baby is squirmy; the snaps are durable and give you an exact fit each time.  These have a little pocket at one end to tuck the edge of the prefold into so that it won't move around.  Extra points for the cute colors.

Bummis Whisper Wrap, size small: B+.  This is a cute wrap, and the velcro should make it as easy to use as the Thirsties, but it doesn't have the inner pocket to tuck the prefold into.  And the fit isn't quite as trim, so it's a lot bulkier looking.

Bum Genius 4.0: A+.  This is by far our favorite diaper overall-- we're ordering more of these!  They wash easily and dry quickly because the fleecy absorbent insert can be dried separately from the wrap, and the fleecy microfiber insert wicks moisture away from baby really well, making this a great diaper for overnight when you don't change baby quite as promptly.  Plus each diaper comes with two inserts (a large and a small), so you can double up if you find you have a heavy wetter.  The snaps are easy to use, and like the Thirsties wrap, give you an exact fit each time.  My husband is a big fan of this diaper for middle-of-the-night changes.  Because the insert is already in there, he can practically change her with his eyes closed.

Tots Bots All in One: A-.  This is easy to use--another favorite for late-night changes-- and has washed well so far, but it takes forever to dry on the line because the insert cannot be fully removed from the outer shell.

We're also planning to add some Fuzzibunz one-size all-in-ones to our stash, so I'll add a score for those when we've tried them for a while.

Cloth Diapering: Good Intentions and Initial Supplies.

The baby is due in just over a week, and everything is pretty much ready for an early arrival.  We've been intending to use cloth diapers since, well, forever-- the idea of using disposables seems awful to me, both for the amount of $$ it would cost to supply ourselves with disposable dipes, and for the frightening ecological cost of disposables in terms of manufacturing energy, materials, distribution, and of course, landfill space. A lot of friends have been asking me about the range of useful types of reusables, so I thought I'd share what I've learned so far, and then track what works and what doesn't as the baby grows and we figure all this out.

(And for those who argue that the ecological cost of disposables is about equal to the cost of reusables when you factor in the water and electricity necessary to wash them, check out these two articles: Article by a Dartmouth ecologist and Article from Slate).

I should add the obvious caveat, though, that our baby isn't even born yet-- we've done a lot of research, and have prepared what we can ahead of time, but the fact is that different diapers work for different babies, depending on the shape of their legs and bellies, and whether they're heavy or light wetters, etc. etc.  So I'll be updating here periodically with what has worked, what hasn't, and what we'd do differently next time.

First, the options.

All cloth diapers have two parts: the absorbent inner layer, and the waterproof outer layer.  There are three main types of cloth diapers:
1) "prefolds" with separate covers
2) pocket diapers
3) All-in-ones.


Let's start with the most basic:

1) Prefolds and Covers.

Prefolds are what our parents used on us.  They are, essentially, big squares of ultra-absorbent, multi-layered cotton (or hemp, or whatever) that you fold and then fasten around the baby.  These are by far the cheapest option, since even organic cotton prefolds only cost a few dollars apiece.  This is also the type of diaper most commonly used by diaper services, so if you think you'd want to avail yourself of a service, you should get comfortable with this type of diaper.

Our initial stash includes a LOT of prefolds in various sizes and from various brands.  Here's what we have to start:

The yellow and red bordered dipes are organic cotton "cloth-eez" prefolds from Green Mountain Diapers.  Yellow is the "small" infant size (bigger than newborn, though you could fold them down to use on a tiny newborn if you wanted.  You'd just end up with more diaper than baby); red is size medium.  We won't start using either of those regularly for a while.  (12 of each)

The blue-bordered white diapers are cotton prefolds by Oso-Cozy (purchased on Amazon), newborn size. (12 of these)

The plain, bright-white diapers are cotton prefolds by Gerber for newborns. (12 of these)

The slightly off-white borderless dipes to the left are organic cotton prefolds by Bummi for newborns (6 of these).

So we only actually have 30 newborn-sized prefolds at the moment; plus 12 each of slightly larger sizes.  I'm sure we'll add to this stash later once we decide what brands work best for us.

But that only covers the absorbent inner layer.  What happens when baby pees?  Yep, it soaks up and wicks right through onto your lap, or the car seat, or the crib sheets.  So you need some kind of waterproof outer layer to contain that mess.  Again, there are several options, and almost all of them come in really cute patterns and colors.

1) You can make your own wool or fleece covers, or buy knitted covers online or from natural baby stores.  (I suck at knitting so I didn't even consider this option.  Maybe I'll commission  a more talented friend to do this in the future.)
2) Various brands of diaper covers made with Polyurethane Laminate (PUL), which is soft and flexible, unlike the scrunchy plastic pant-things that our parents used on us.

We went with option (2).  And here's the thing: you don't actually need to change the diaper cover every time you change the prefold.  This depends on how messy the diaper is, obviously-- if there's yuckiness on the diaper cover, change it.  But I'm told you can get away with using just a couple diaper covers in a day.  Here's our initial diaper cover stash:

3 newborn-sized lite wraps (hand-me-downs from friends).

3 size small lite wraps (hand-me-downs from friends)

TwoThirsties "size one" (fits 6-18 pounds using those adjustable snaps)

One Bummis size small (fits 8-16 pounds, again with adjustable snaps and velcro)

We also have a couple larger-sized covers for later on, but this should give a sense of the range of styles and colors.  

But wait!  You want to know how to fold these things and attach them to a baby, right?  There are a few options.

The easiest is this-- just fold the prefold into thirds and tuck it into the diaper cover.  If it doesn't quite fit, just fold down the extra cotton at the back before folding it into thirds.

Alternatively, you can attach the prefold to the baby using the modern equivalent of diaper pins, called "Snappis," and then slap a cover on over that.

(Clearly, that is not my baby.  Thanks to Green Mountain Diapers for those images.)

There are different ways of folding prefolds, but since I think we'll at least start with the standard fold-it-into-the-cover method, I'll wait to describe alternative folds until I actually try them on a real baby.

That's it for prefolds and covers.



Now, 2) pocket diapers.

A pocket diaper has the same basic parts as a prefold and cover: an absorbent inner layer and a waterproof outer layer.  But a pocket diaper's outer layer has a pocket in the waterproof part that you tuck an absorbent layer into.  These are a great option for people who feel intimidated by all the folding that goes with prefolds and covers.

And here's what we have the way of pocket diapers to start with:

This is a Bum Genius 4.0.  These are adjustable for babies 10 pounds to toddler-- basically from shortly after birth until they're potty trained.  Awesome, right?  That's what all those snaps are for-- you choose the row of snaps that creates the right fit on your baby.

Here's the inside of the Bum Genius 4.0 with part of the absorbent layer pulled out at the top.

The Bum Genius 4.0s come with two inserts-- a newborn and a regular.  You can double them up when the baby gets a bit bigger if she/he is a heavy wetter.  

Last, but not least, 3) the All-in-One Diaper, often abbreviated AIO on diaper websites.  

Unsurprisingly, these tend to be the most expensive variety of cloth diaper, because each one has both the absorbent inner layer and the waterproof outer layer.  Some daycares that generally won't do cloth diapers will accept all-in-ones because they basically work just like disposables.  

Here's what we have to start with All-in-Ones:

This is a Tots Bots all-in-one by Bummis.  From the top pic, you can see that like the Thirsties cover or the Bum Genius pocket dipe, it has snaps so that you can adjust it to fit different sizes.  And the inside, as you see in the bottom pic, is all fleecey-soft layers for absorption that's stitched right into the waterproof outer layer.

And that's it for our initial stash of diapers.  

Last thing to note: Diaper Changing Station.

 If you're doing cloth diapers, it's best to have a changing station in the bathroom so that you can rinse baby poop into the toilet easily before tossing them into a diaper pail.  And not just any diaper pail-- you need some kind of washable diaper bag that won't get too stinky between laundry loads.

Here's our set-up:

We have a Simple Human brand trash can with a locking lid (because we have an inquisitive dog...).  It's lined with a Kissa Antibacterial pail liner, which promises to be washable and to keep smelliness to a minimum.  I'll let you know how that goes.

A few final points to consider, including extras:

- diaper wipes and wipe solution.  Disposable or reusable?  We decided that it was silly to use disposable wipes when we're already going to be washing the diapers.  So we got some cheap, soft flannel and sewed some double-sided squares.  What about the spray, you ask?  Nothing easier.  Diaper wipe solution is just water, baby wash, baby oil and possibly some essential oil for scent.  Mix it up in a jar and transfer it to a spray bottle.  Done.  (There are plenty of recipes online, but for the record, we're starting with the most basic: 2 cups water, 1/2 cup baby oil, 1/2 cup baby wash.)

- Diaper liners-- washable.  What if baby's a heavy wetter?  We have some washable hemp diaper liners that basically look like ladies' panty liners, only smaller, and cloth.  You just throw it into the diaper for some extra absorption.  With luck, it'll help keep the rest of the diaper from getting quite so gross.

-Diaper liners-- biodegradable. The flushable, biodegradable diaper liners are another option.  We have some of these to start, too-- they should be particularly nice when we're traveling, because you can keep most of the poop confined to the liner and just flush the whole mess, and have less mess to deal with in the wet/dry sack in the the diaper bag.

-Diaper bag, etc. Everyone knows you need a diaper bag to carry clean diapers, wipes, change of clothes, etc.  What they don't tell you is that your run-of-the-mill messenger bag or backpack will probably do the job just as well, and for a lot less money.  (Plus, my old messenger bag is black, as opposed to paisley or pink, and doesn't look like an over-sized purse, so my husband won't mind carrying it.)  I'll update later on about whether the messenger bag works as well as I expect.  If you're cloth diapering on the road, you'll also need a wet/dry bag to store dirty dipes in when you're out and about.  It needs to be waterproof, obviously, should be washable, and should have some kind of closing mechanism that will keep the smell from permeating the rest of your bag.  We have two to start: a Planet Wise size medium, and a Bummis size small.

Future diaper posts to look forward to: Taking cloth diapers on the road; Diapering a newborn; How many elite academic degrees does it take to change a diaper?

This is going shockingly well.

...and I'm just waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

My committee and my department have been supportive.  But then, I'm in one of the more progressive departments (yeah, English!) at a very progressive, liberal public university.  I'm not sure how the Academic Job Market (AKA the "soul-crushing pain machine") will go next fall/winter.  But we'll deal with that when we get there.

In the meantime, here I am: 7 months pregnant, most of the way finished with a draft of my dissertation.  For the record, the extreme fatigue wore off by week 12, and I never was sick.  I've actually been feeling great throughout the pregnancy so far.  My plan is to get the draft to my advisor before Babypocalpyse (due date: June 2).  Then I'll spend the summer working on my job dossier and maybe starting some edits on the dissertation.  Also, diapers and sleep deprivation.

Future updates: "The love that dare not speak its name": why women are afraid even to discuss having children among academic colleagues, health coverage for prenatal care as a grad student, the reaction of the department and campus to a visibly pregnant graduate student, best places on campus to change a diaper.

Pregnant and ABD

Welcome to my blog of balancing academia, graduate school, pregnancy, and  motherhood.

Waiting to have our first child until after I got my first tenure-track job (which may or may not happen) seemed silly-- after all, the tenure clock presents its own set of problems, and if we want more than 1 child, I'd probably have to postpone having the second until well into my mid-to-late thirties (after tenure), which I'd rather avoid.

So now I'm 8 weeks pregnant, and I am (I think) about a year away from completing my dissertation. The problem is, as ever, the uncertainty of what comes after.

I'm due in early June of 2011. That gives us the summer, when I won't be teaching, to get over the initial shell shock. But come fall 2011, I'll be teaching part time and preparing for my first foray into the academic job market. And there are so many unknowns: will there be jobs available in my field at all? Will I even be asked for an interview? Will having a 6-month-old at the MLA convention over winter break be held against me?

But the more immediate problem: given my current extreme fatigue, will I manage to finish the writing before the baby arrives?